Friday, March 28, 2008
Something To Be
I went to my life drawing class last night for the first time in almost four weeks. I wish I could say that means my medical melodrama is over, but tis not. Slowly testing the waters of my normal life again, as advised, and it's all a bit achy right now. I really should stop joking about being a seventy year old woman, because my body is starting to behave as such.
On the upside, I do feel like my drawing skills are coming along nicely. I feel like I'm thisclose to a breakthrough -- hopefully by the end of May, I'll have some strong portfolio pieces. Life drawing had always been something that terrified me -- I just could.not.draw.people. But it's been a year since I picked up my first charcoal pencil, and I'm amazed by how far I've come. It's almost unbelievable how much it's improved my ability to draw anything. And to be quite cheesy, it's restored a little faith in myself.
These past couple years have been disheartening, the way I think it is for most post-undergrad students. I've been kicking around my head, and with my friends, that the liberal arts college education system is the biggest lie perpetuated by modern western civilization. Let's go back to apprenticeships! Don't tell me that I can be anything I want and do everything I want -- let me just choose ONE THING!
Now I'm going to spend the rest of my weekend watching Six Feet Under (which I've fallen for, hard), and drawing in my sketchbook. Have a good weekend, friends. Find your own way to fry a fish. As many elders before have tried to warn us, life never turns out the way you expect it to be.Labels: artsy girl, twentysomething
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Stand Under My Cake
Mmm...the only thing missing in my life is a cake stand. Doing a lot of internet window shopping...I'm still feel like a tranny mess right now.
Labels: wishbox
Monday, March 24, 2008
Happy Spring.
Here's to a new season, a good new week, and lots of healing.
Have an extraordinary week, friends.Labels: photolog
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Good Mail Day
I find Jemaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords oddly repulsive (sorry, guy), so I hid him under the Domino. Nothing personal but I can't even really watch Flight of the Conchords because of my aversion. It's like those people who are genetically wired to hate cilantro (which, coincidentally, I am one of).
Seonna Hong's Animus is a little present I bought for myself to cheer me up from all the health malfunctions lately. It was even better in real life than I had hoped -- a little pop-up book with beautiful art. Portable inspiration!
(my favorite page)Labels: good things
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Resting Up
 Labels: photolog
Monday, March 17, 2008
On Life, In Sickness
My hand is sore. My hand is sore because it was poked earlier today for more blood-drawing. The vein in my left arm has gone on strike, and despite a nurse's digging with a needle in my poor little arm, it will give no blood. It's a weird feeling to have no blood in your veins.
I haven't been hungry for much these days; but I am craving cooking. Cooking is so incredibly therapeutic for me. There's something about making a meal that's satisfying. I need a little calm these days; did I mention my parked car was sideswept over the weekend and I discovered it this morning? No, of course there was no note.
So I've been hiding from the world a bit these days, trying to heal. Most of this time is spent on the couch, with a sweet pup curled up next to me and Food Network on almost all waking hours. Since I can't eat anything acidic (tomatoes), caffeinated (chocolate), spicy, fried or worth living for right now, I'm collecting recipes of things to make once I'm better.
Once I'm better, I'll be baking cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting after lime meltaways after chocolate cinnamon banana bread. I'll make stuffed pasta shells with Ryan, and curried everything. You can find me eating out seeking spicy noodle soups, savory tomato-based seafood stews, and chocolate & berry tarts. Watching Food Network has also made me desperately desire a dutch oven. Someday!
Once I'm better, I'm also looking forward to incorporating some of the habits I've picked up since being down -- taking long walks and inhaling the night-blooming jasmine around the neighborhood. Taking things slowly, letting myself just be by reading, resting, and writing. Learning the beautiful art of leisure. (Thanks, Sarah).
It's easy to look at the other side of illness and be wistful for all the things I'll do once I get better. It will be so important to remember to revel in leisure after.Labels: foodie call, me + my ulcers
Saturday, March 15, 2008
La Petite Princesse
La Petite Princesse, 8"x10"x1", acrylic on canvas
I just finished her last night; still need to varnish and then she'll be wrapped up with a ribbon to send to a friend as a belated birthday present. Then I plan on spending the rest of the weekend curled up on the couch with Mary Poppins.
Happy Saturday, friends!Labels: artsy girl
Friday, March 14, 2008
Down the Rabbit Hole...
So last night wasn't too great for me. I ended up in the emergency room at Cedars Sinai, which by the way is nothing like on Grey's Anatomy or TMZ. My urgent care doctor, who resembled a Miyazaki character and I'm not quite sure was old enough to be a real doctor, thought I might have pancreatitis or gallstones so she sent me to the ER. I burst into tears on the way there since both sounded life-threatening and surgery-inducing, despite being assured otherwise by my freckle-faced cute-as-a-chipmunk doctor.
After a two hour wait, I was laid up on a gurney in a hospital gown and an IV tube laced into my bloodstream. I had Ryan brought in so that I wouldn't have to tell him stories later ending with "I guess you had to be there". It was all pretty surreal: there were about five nurses attending me; the registration guy who brought papers to sign wore a peppermint striped tie and suspenders, and called me "ma'am"; my doctor had McDreamy hair, sideburns and all; I was watching Girls Next Door at one point. So several tubes of blood, an ultrasound and four hours later, I was where I started off in the day. Except I had some Lidocaine so everything was numb from the throat down, which was awesome.
I'm at home and still nursing mysterious, debilitating stomach pains that might be caused by tiny tumors, ulcers, or my drinking problem. (Except, obviously, not the drinking problem). So not awesome.Labels: me + my ulcers
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Watercolor WIP
I've been taking a painting class this semester. The teacher is this fabulous older woman who actually talks about "The Watercolor Society" and "The Colored Pencil Society" in all seriousness. She mostly works in botanical art (and is naturally in the Society of Botanical Illustrators), so our class has a watercolor slant to it. We don't have to work in it though, so I think I'll switch to gouache next week.
I had to miss class tonight because my dyspepsia has been acting up again, badly, but I wanted to show you the owl I started last week. It was actually a lot of fun to make, but I'm not sure watercolor is really for me. Especially since I'm not the society type. ;)Labels: work in progress
Monday, March 10, 2008
Good Things for Monday.
(image and bobbypin by foundling)
that extra hour of daylight
time to wear poppy bobbypins in your hair
finding a Beard Papa's near me! Can't wait to stop by after work and pick up a box of incredible cream puffs.
the Reuban sandwich from Follow Your Heart
Design for Mankind's two inspiration zines for download
finishing season 2 of Arrested Development
a newly Netflix'd Flight of the Conchords waiting at home
Fierce: The Hot Mess Makeover Show
cruising the Target makeup aisles (guilty pleasure) on Sunday afternoon
a brand new pot of MAC Fluidline (it will change your life)
cool breezes during a hot nap
baking Lime Meltaways
There's a lot to be pleased about and happy for right now, so I'm holding on with all the might my tiny little hands have. Trying not to let crappy health insurance companies and recurring health issues get me down. Trying not to let recent setbacks or disappointments muddy the gorgeous days. Set back the setbacks. I'm going to take more walks, read Mary Poppins, draw in my sketchbook, kiss my sweet boyfriend, and paint. And I'm going to be okay.
Let me leave you on this gorgeous Monday with this quote by Rainer Maria Rilke:
"So you musn't be frightened, dear Mr. Kappus, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don't know what work these conditions are doing inside you?"
Labels: good things, quotes
Friday, March 07, 2008
Looking Forward
...to the weekend. Photo adventures to go on, things to cook, paintings to finish, and friends to toast. I know you're not supposed to be working for the weekend, but let's throw "supposed to" out the window, k? xoxo.Labels: photolog
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Time to Stew
So I've made some plans. That's the best way to get out of a funk, right? Along with some art-related projects for the portfolio & interview appointments to make, I'm going to start working on a monthly project around a theme. Types of projects will range from paintings to clothes to prints. I'll then put up the projects for sale on a to-be Etsy shop. That's the plan for now anyway. Please feel free to start suggesting themes.
I've also lined up projects that have been on-going but actually need to be finished now since they're for birthday presents! Lots of knitting and painting to be done this week...
It's just enough to stew over plans to find a little hope. This all started with a plan to try making a vegetarian beef stew. I couldn't find any recipes online for it, so I forged forward with a handful of thyme and hope (bad pun).
It turned out pretty well, though a bit too tomato-saucy for my taste. Next time I'll use less tomatoes, and probably not from a can. The tin of roma tomatoes would be more perfect for a pasta sauce starter. It's definitely meant to be more stew-y than soup-y.
Vegetarian Beef Stew
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
2 tsp of oil
1/8 cup of all-purpose flour
2 large potatoes, cubed
1 cup of baby carrots
2 cups of vegetable stock
2 cups of water
Roughly 3 tsp of mixed herbs & spices including: thyme, rosemary, paprika, garlic, onion powder* to taste.
1/2 cup of red wine
2 small-to-medium tomatoes, quartered
1 package of Morningstar Farms Steak Strips
Salt & pepper to taste.
Saute crushed garlic in a little bit of oil in a large saucepan. Slowly add stock and water. Whisk in about 1/8 cup of flour. Add potatoes and carrots over high heat. Cover and bring to a boil. Put on an episode of This American Life. Reduce heat and then simmer for about 20 minutes, or until the potatoes are soft. Pour in the wine and herbs at this point, stirring while it's simmering. Add tomatoes and steak strips at the same time. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for about another 5 minutes. Serve over white rice.
I might even recommend letting the steak strips thaw in the red wine a little bit to marinate and then saute it on its own before adding it to the stew. But then again, I'm a one-pot kinda gal on weeknights.
*We both hate onions so we rarely ever cook with them, but I like the flavor and suspect it would be good to add onion to a thing like this for people who like it.Labels: foodie call
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
With such a large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
Hello, friends. Sorry it's been awhile, I sincerely am. The past couple weeks have been a flurry of deadlines and surprises, practicing putting myself out there and then licking my wounds. Does this growing up thing ever get easier? It feels like it should.
But grown-up life involves a lot more time spent in an office (if you're unlucky), with no terminable end in sight. No semesters, no breaks. You don't have to change, ever, if you don't want to. Stay here and cultivate your worker's ass for forty years, take your retirement and rent a room in a home for the rest of your years. There are two unavoidable changes slated in your future: the end of your job days, and the end of your life.
That's stifling. I know "life happens" and there's no such thing as job security, but just knowing that this is the mechanism behind it all is dreary. 100 names for the same thing. I feel deflated, friends. I'm not sure where to look or what to do anymore. I don't believe that things will ever get better; who am I to even expect that it should for me? I'm dejected, but I'm not homeless or hospitalized, so I should shut my trap.
So from the bottom of my well here, I've been peeking out at the world. I've been casting lines and hoping that someone will pass by and pull me up and out. But now I just feel like hiding in the dark. Hiding in a dark room for hours. Where can I do just that?
The movie theater. I watched Penelope last night, armed with low expectations based on friends' reviews. Skillful and clever, this film is not. But it is a visual feast, and uplifting. Just when I need lifting. Seeing her room alone was worth the $12 ticket. What a dream -- an indoor tree swing! Terrariums and first edition books!
Christina Ricci is actually quite perfect for a pig nose, and Reese Witherspoon was endearing as a motormouth Vespa-riding delivery girl. I'm not quite sure I'm on board with the James McAvoy wagon yet, but I know that I'd like to see more. I was prepared for the crazy hodge-podge city and mix of accents from actors, so I didn't feel quite as disoriented watching. There was a lot of set up and loose ends that were not delivered, which speaks to the developing skill of a first-time writer and first-time director. But overall, I would recommend it for light fare. I'm a big fan of light fare. Give me Penelope over No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood any day. I need my bloody drama Netflix'd and contained in a 13" television box.Labels: films, growing up
Monday, March 03, 2008
Something I come back to again and again....
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-- Marianne Williamson Labels: quotes
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