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A girl living, loving and writing in Los Angeles.
August Listening
August Reading
Favorite Places
Copyright 2001 - 2008 by Ann, unless otherwise noted.
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Friday, October 28, 2005
Halloween is my favorite holiday, yet I never know what I want to be.
I was going to be a mermaid, but that became too impractical/cold/unnecessary to show that much flesh.
Then I was going to be a pirate, but then I saw a person I am not terribly fond of dressed up as a pirate and the whole novelty was shot.
Bah. Bah.
Next year, I will have a Halloween party because I will have no midterms and/or cousin's weddings to attend.
A conversation with my friend Trinh studying in Denmark:
Trinh: i was talking to someone, comparing men from home and europe
Trinh: and she said she liked the men at home the best because there is something for everyone
Trinh: and they treat you more with respect
So for once, from the bottom of my small cold heart, my hat off to you good old American boys.
My roommate asked me for a guestlist for my birthday party in a week. I felt like I was on My Super Sweet Sixteen. So afterwards I had to repent by reading some surrealist poetry/Paul Eluard and calling my mom.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
The subtitle of my paper is "The Evolution of the Coming of Age Dramedy and the Isolation Crisis of twenty-something men".
I think that might as well be the subtitle of my life. Perhaps if the word "chaos" was tossed in somewhere.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Maybe tomorrow
I will get my sense of smell
back, in time for lunch.
Having a disease
is ridiculous during
midterms and weddings.
Maybe more haikus
will improve the quality
of this sorry little site.
Will consider a
new photography section;
maybe new domain.
Must make art before
one can show art, post art, and
make love in darkrooms.
One more thing: archives
will be back as soon as I
have a moment of time.
Monday, October 24, 2005
lovergirl tea
The seasons are changing.
My immune system is not
coping well with it.
New Betsey Johnson dress,
waiting to call my closet home.
Do I need a new job?
Lovergirl tea is the cure
for grey Sunday mornings.
Why am I still crushing on a boy
whom I haven't seen in two years?
Saturday, October 22, 2005
The most gorgeous dress in the world will soon be mine.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Good Things
- Cat Power's music
- falling asleep to the sound of rain
- gorgeous sunny days to wake up to
- "I've Been Thinking" by Handsome Boy Modeling School ft. Cat Power
- America's Next Top Model
- Canon Rebel XT
- mozzarella string cheese
- caramel soy lattes
- The Graduate
- my mother's good advice: "If you feel better, you are doing the right thing."
- short stories written in my head on the shuttle
- Frank O'Hara's poetry
- Elizabethtown
- polaroids
- Focus vitaminwater
- cats
- puppies
- antique pink typewriters
Sunday, October 16, 2005
I love the whole idea of soul food. Soul Food, it sounds like everything that is right with the world. Where are there good soul food restaurants? Also, I must try red velvet cake. I might just end up making it if I can't find it anywhere.
This weekend woke me up. I bought tickets to Fiona Apple, and Carly is coming down from Santa Barbara to see her with me; I haven't seen Carly since last summer. I started listening to Ryan Adams' Love Is Hell Pt. 1, and I am breathless. There are plane tickets to the East Coast in December, and topping off the season with dancing and drinking in San Francisco.
I have been reading, reading, reading. I love Claire's America. Then there is this incredible article about how to blog by Tony Pierce that reminded me what this was all about even though I've been doing it for over four years on here. For book club, we are reading Memoirs of a Geisha and The Lion, the Witch, & the Wardrobe. Books, and reading in general, fills me with such joy!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Our gorgeous new estate chair from the Rosebowl Flea Market.
I'm impossible to forget but hard to remember.
Despite terrible reviews, Elizabethtown is incredibly thoughtful and ambitious in execution. Though the major flaw is in the actors lacking chemistry (although Susan Sarandon did sparkle, I love her so; I blame Kirsten McSaggyBoobs Dunst since she is a talentless troll), Cameron Crowe's skill of musical narrative was everpresent and it just struck me so hard.
I've been having a very lackluster relationship with music and it's strange how difficult it was for me to recognize that. Music has saved me so many times for so many years; music has helped me not give a shit about what haughty popular kids in high school thought; music has made my friends / my art / my life. But music, for a large part, also meant a very particular person who meant a very particular deal to me at some point in the last four years; and I think this is the part that has silenced everything else with its departure. I'm not sure what this means yet, but I know I'm closer to finding out.
There is this scene in Elizabethtown where Drew and Claire are talking on the phone for the first time, and it goes on for five hours in the middle of the night. Claire puts on Ryan Adams' Come Pick Me Up, and I forgot to inhale. With all the blood rushing to my head, I feel hot unexpected tears well up. It wasn't even a sad scene. But this was almost like someone had taken something that had meant everything to me and showed what it was all about to the world. For once instead of wanting my life to imitate art; here was art, imitating my life.
Here it was, the relics of my life and a failed relationship/friendship/whatever. Failure. Fiasco.
Here were the five hour conversations about nothing and everything that I'm sure, at the same time scared to death, that I will have again with somebody else. Here was a song that was on the first mixed CD that he made me -- when I couldn't decide if I liked mixed CDs or mixed tapes better, so he made me both. I can still remember the shape of his handwriting in the letters as he wrote in a way that revealed so much of how he felt about himself (so anxious, so awkward, so confident, so self-aware, so sweet, so hopeful in the way only twenty one year old boys can be) -- you can make my bed if you want, but please don't do the rest.
Claire: Let's meet halfway and watch the sunrise.
We never did meet halfway. Maybe we were substitute people after all.
I've opted to make this story public despite what image it may make of me, what wreck or what pretentious prat that I appear to be, a lot of things that I probably am and a lot more that I'm probably not. But I think that this candidness in personal storytelling is missing. At least, it has been for mine. Music, will surely shortly follow in finding its way back to me. Or maybe it's the other way around, and it always has been.
21 days until my 21st birthday.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Help! Advice wanted on digital SLRs!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Wednesday night is the best night ever because of America's Next Top Model & Veronica Mars. I'm sad Diane got sent home; please send Coryn home; Jayla is my favorite; Janice Dickinson is the most amazing person ever. Except I would never want to meet her.
Today was also good because I got an A on my French Test (after spending the weekend in the hospital with a mysteriously swollen neck, therefore not studying) and I had a very delicious toasted brie & pesto sandwich.
Soon, I will take pictures of our apartment because it is so adorable. We went to the Rosebowl Flea Market this past Sunday, and bought a gorgeous green chair, vintage tv dinner trays, and I put up some new paintings. While home this weekend, my mom took me shopping so our kitchen is hella stocked up. I would marry my apartment if it were a boy, because it is perfect. Pet crickets and all.
There is a very strange intersection I've stumbled across that I suspect is part of senior year of college: how far I've come, and how far I have yet to go. I'm having all these complex nightmares about family/friends dying, and rescuing them, and about people who I haven't seen/thought about for a long time reappearing.
It's a very chaotic year to graduate in too; with the end of the world nipping at our heels. Any day now I am expecting the right hand of God to extend from the sky. It feels almost ridiculous to be sitting in class, business as usual, and proceeding forward with the foundation I've built when many people are left with less than nothing to call their own in this world.
Now I'm feeling lost. I'm a completely different person from who I was freshman year. I'm a completely different person from who I was six months ago. Does the landscape ever stop changing?
In the end, it's all about who's standing in it anyway.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Site News
Update: I will be turning this into a portfolio space for photography and excerpts from novellas, short stories, etc. sometime around the winter, and I have remained undecided about the future of the blog portion. Feedback would be appreciated, thanks :)
Friday, October 07, 2005
The Most Beautiful Poem In The World.
Light clarity avocado salad in the morning
after all the terrible things I do how amazing it is
to find forgiveness and love, not even forgiveness
since what is done is done and forgiveness isn't love
and love is love nothing can ever go wrong
though things can get irritating boring and dispensable
(in the imagination) but not really for love
though a block away you feel distant the mere presence
changes everything like a chemical dropped on a paper
and all thoughts disappear in a strange quiet excitement
I am sure of nothing but this, intensified by breathing
-- Frank O'Hara
I'm Waiting To Get My Groove Back
Today was a day that I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Only made worse when a (clearly Republican) boy tried to hit on me on the shuttle by insulting me. Word of advice from a girl's point of view: this is NOT hot.
No, I don't know the precise moment that made me so hateful. I'm a couple bottles of Grey Goose in my freezer short of becoming Karen Walker. Currently, I am just the little old cricket lady who stays in with my BenGay because of my broken neck. Don't judge me just because I listen to NPR and adore This American Life, and have a subscription to Real Simple. I am hip, trendy, with it.
I even am starting to identify my "style" of writing as part of a very young movement called slipstream consciousness -- though when googled, it only appears under science fiction mostly & as a film/music criticism word (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind would be a paradigm of the movement), I'm still convinced I'm in the literary factor of it.
Should I do an Honors Thesis? What would an Honors Thesis in Writing even be about?!
Would an office job kill me? (The correct answer is: yes).
Health insurance. This is important to me.
Oh the crippling fear of graduation.
WHY DID I THINK I COULD BE A WRITER/WRITE AT ALL?!
I think I've got a fever, and the only solution is more health, wealth, friends, good food and wine time. (And cow bell).
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
I used to be a hater, but now I've learned the ways. I love Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Holly: We're alike, me and cat. A couple of poor nameless slobs.
Paul: I love you.
Holly: So what.
Paul: So what? So plenty!
And my favorite:
"Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness."
I watched Some Like It Hot for the first time tonight too, for my American Comedy class, and Marilyn Monroe was such a luscious beauty. Apparently that was her plumpest period too, as she had just become pregnant. So beautiful, I love my women with curves.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
On a whim tonight, I met up with one of my favorite friends and we saw a graduate production of The Last Five Years. The two performers were so incredibly talented; the story unfolded in a way that was quite in my taste. I'm inspired to keep trucking with my novel, it was a great breath of fresh air.
In other news, why is America's Next Top Model the best show ever? I can't believe I let FOUR SEASONS PASS ME BY! Where the hell have I been? Luckily, LUCKILY! now that we have cable in our new apartment, I can watch the cycle 2 marathons on VH1 WHILST enjoying the new cycle 5 (sadly, Janice Dickinson-less).
There are a million more things I had to say, but a million more things I actually have to do. I got a new job, am horribly addicted to fredflare.com, and spend all my free time watching trashy tv or riding trains. I'm feeling the push of the wind though, and I'm feeling that though I love with every cell in my small heart this city by the sea, it is time to move on.
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