Sunday, October 31, 2004

03:53 PM

Waking up this morning thinking this can't be real
But they say there's nothing love can't heal
Why don't you come on down
So you can feel what I feel?

Friday, October 29, 2004

02:14 AM

Notes from the sanitorium...

I don't think that I could be any cleaner/sanitized now than the day I was born. Er...

Midterms terminated, hurray.

Halloween in hot pursuit, yikes.

Paychecks, hurray.

No shoes yet!!! Yikes!

Hopefully recovering...finally.

"Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole." (Garden State)

I definitely know why I didn't like Garden State at first, it was happy & I was sad & it made me miss you, oh so bad.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

02:14 AM

"It is hard to be brave," said Piglet, sniffing slightly, "when you're only a Very Small Animal."

Rabbit, who had begun to write very busily, looked up and said:

"It is because you are a very small animal that you will be Useful in the adventure before us."

-- Winnie-The-Pooh, A.A. Milne

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

01:25 PM

Brought To You By Rain:

The following things would make me very happy:

- being healthy again
- a good haircut
- sun
- Adobe Creative Suite
- fluency in French
- fluency in the Adobe Creative Suite
- my PAYCHECKS for the past 5 weeks
- a new job

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

11:22 PM

"Let Go" by Frou Frou

I'm quasi studying for my French Lit. midterm tomorrow...but as Mark kindly pointed out, you must first understand the language to understand the literature. The task is much too vast for me, which brings me to frustration, which brings me to breakdown about everything going wrong and bring my innocent bystander friends with me...

There is a storm rumbling in the distance. I like the chilly wind swirling through the apartment, blowing the blinds off (since we left the windows open to air out my roommates' fishy dinner). I feel like I'm living at the end of One Hundred Years of Solitude (sorry if I just ruined that for everyone, it's not really significant though). The weather and my mood are finally matching up; maybe a tornado will displace me in the land of Oz where I will convince a group of munchkins that I can be their ruler & the favorite color of our land would be pink...no short jokes, please. I'm still waiting for my sequined shoes to get here.

It is quite lovely to listen to Gregory Page's Love Made Me Drunk album on such a night, however. The frenchness of it all inspires me to study for French. And the witty bitterness in it all makes me happy.

There is also nothing that a good rant to a good mom followed by a good mug of cocoa can't fix on a day like this. Especially when my mom joins in my ranting by screaming, "BOYS ARE DIRTY!"

03:28 PM

"Nothing Better" by the Postal Service

I'm sitting at the library trying to start my midterm paper on Winnie-The-Pooh for my Children's Literature class. Instead, I'm focusing on listening to this song -- I'm having one of those moments when I really hear a song for the first time and it literally makes me weak in the knees and the saggy digestive organ feel like it's going to fall out of my body.

12:23 AM

Happy Birthday, Laura!!!

I loves me kitty!

Monday, October 25, 2004

11:41 PM

Girls Behaving Badly

I am very pleased with myself because I am extremely productive in coffeehouses with my ibook in hand. I'm meeting all my deadlines; I think the greatest question of all is will you be meeting yours?

Now let me share pictures of me and my best friend, each with poles.

Good Girl: Me; freshman year.

Bad Girl: Cathy is in the black; this year.

Hmm bad girls have more fun.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

06:29 PM

"3x5" by John Mayer

As I was type type typing away at The Living Room and being inspired by the gorgeous view of a butter yellow house and a blue Pacific ocean skyline, a little elderly European woman asked me about my ibook. Among boring specs, I also told her that it was the perfect size for me when I was toting it around Europe this past summer. She smiled in delight that it worked in Europe; I smiled in delight of saying "as I was travelling in Europe this past summer".

*Note to self: bring camera everywhere.

I'm also considering switching to Moveable Type soon. (Any comments?) Upcoming redesign either way. (By "upcoming", I mean December/January).

Friday, October 22, 2004

11:17 PM

"One must have chaos inside to give birth to a dancing star."

-- Nietzsche

08:04 PM

Organic Style

In anticipation of starting a fresh new decade of my life, I've made a decision to start being good to myself. I'm slowly weeding out everything toxic in my life and learning to read the road signs. In my sick state right now, I'm doing a lot of healthy thinking. I'm trying to make healthy decisions: physically, emotionally, and everywhere in between. One of these major decisions I've made is to go organic. Although it is more expensive to go organic, I think that being more concious of my budget is going to be worth the health benefits.

I'll try to document my discoveries & journey the best I can; this is definitely a project I've found at the right time in my life. I'm also going to document how to go organic on a college student budget.

I'm thinking of cutting my hair really short again after the new year. Hmm.

Also, I am voting for Kerry and Mr. Hottie McHot Hot Edwards. What are you doing on November 2nd?

Thursday, October 21, 2004

08:12 PM

"If I Ever Feel Better" by Phoenix

I have developed a terrible addiction to online "window" shopping. I did it all day today just to keep myself awake (the two different meds I'm on are making me extra drowsy) while I did six loads of hot wash laundry and disinfected every spot of my area in this apartment. I'm exhausted and very ill.

I have been especially terrible at holding back lately; I just purchased a pair of sequined ballerina flats today. I want sooooo many books, I wish I had a million dollars. I would spend it all on books. I'm coveting so much lately, it's terrible. I just adore books; I'm even expanding out of fiction into nonfiction. I'm becoming Bridget Jones with the amount of self-help books I'm looking into. I even made a wishlist to satiate my coveting hunger, even though I think wishlists are terribly presumptuous! Golly.

*UPDATED: Links, again. I'm finding amazing sites while I'm sick.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

09:59 PM

Holly Golightly

I think I'm renaming the iPod "Holly Golightly". It has such a flirtatious playgirl attitude about it, more so than a flamboyant gay prostitute attitude. I hope it does not suffer an identity/gender crisis.

I am going to the hospital tomorrow.

Ilissa's heart is a binger/purger. Mine is a starving Ethiopian child. Don't worry, the kwashiorkore is full of the bloaty liquid of school, work, few good friends, and disease. Soon I won't absorb anything at all.

Patience comes from the Latin root meaning to suffer. Thanks for making me patient.

*UPDATED: girl & links. New email address: same loveandtea, new @gmail.com. Send me an inbox-warming note.

12:25 AM

the prettiest friend.

...get it straight fucker, this girl is champagne not 2 buck chuck from trader joes.

I love this girl.

Monday, October 18, 2004

10:35 PM

"London Rain" by Heather Nova

Grey, rainy weather has a tendency to provoke old injuries. I limped around campus today as a previously sprained ankle and an injured tendon came back like fresh bruises. I used to associate gloomy weather with gloomy moods, but the rain only reminds me of my delicious-beautiful summer in Cambridge. Even my defunct foot reminds me of climbing the Eiffel Tower despite being swollen to a club, and triumphantly looking down at the little play set Paris becomes from up in the air. Who can associate gloom with that?

(I promise to write better soon.)

I got my spinny sassy lil new iPod today as an early birthday present from mes parents, so please leave me some tips and tricks. I named it Rhys (after the main character in Rupert Everett's Hello Darling, Are You Working?) I'm a little disappointed that I cannot consolidate the music collection on my PC & my Mac together on it because it will only configure to one OS -- or is it because I'm too dumb to figure it out?

The new life plan for this quarter is to detox my life & refocus. Simplify, breathe, & find the beauty of it all again.

Sunday, October 17, 2004

03:11 PM

"Strawberry Fields Forever" by the Beatles

I think I am getting better at reading the sign posts in life now.

01:05 AM

"Never Is A Promise" by Fiona Apple

I met Punky Brewster (aka Soleil Moon Frye) a few weeks ago at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. We had a conversation about hats and being petite girls while waiting in line for the bathroom. The ordinary reality of life is so weird/extraordinary sometimes.

I can't WRITE. So I'm trying to write anything.

Today Jessica & I explored a used bookstore in downtown that one of my co-workers had told me about. We spent two hours browsing through this incredible three story catalogue of history where stacks and stacks of gorgeously old books lined every wall. I want a room in my dream house like this. I purchased a hardback copy of Pablo Neruda's Odes to Opposites.

For Halloween, we're going to be classic film starlets. I'm going to be Audrey Hepburn from Roman Holiday (of course), and she's thinking of Greta Garbo (although this changes every five minutes).

I changed my plans tonight to sitting in my PJs & hugging my mug of hot cocoa in attempt to breathe, relax, and stay on top of schoolwork. I don't regret not engaging in drunken debauchery, but I slightly regret declining to commiserate with one of my fabulous co-workers as she drowns her sorrows in a wine glass -- her bestfriend/boy/specialfriend/whatever left on a jetplane at 4am. I gave her as many hugs as possible as I listened to her bitch about distance with more sympathy than she will ever know. The remedy is the experience.

Today was very lovely. Little things make me feel like the luckiest person in the world; post-Cambridge, I'm starting to appreciate the little simple ordinary things as beautiful.

Friday, October 15, 2004

11:07 PM

"Bella Luna" by Jason Mraz

With you as my witness, I am going to have gelato and wear a pretty belted linen dress with ribbon ballet flats as I walk down the Spanish steps in Rome, JUST LIKE AUDREY HEPBURN DID IN ROMAN HOLIDAY, within the next year.

Maybe I'm crazy because my idea of a good time is flying by the seat of our pants, interlaced hands gripping as we let the wind take us with nothing but a cute outfit and a toothbrush in my suitcase and we take the next train out. Or dancing wildly, freely, gracelessly barefoot under big fat raindrops. Or reading together in bed, with the quiet sound of steady breathing tickling my pulse & making my heart go pitter patter. Or exploring a city on foot, oohing & ahhing and taking as many cheesy pictures as possible. Or conversations that never end at Lestat's until four in the morning and even the goths have gone home, when we're talking and talking and with droopy eyelids we still have a million things to say to each other. Or a million other moments someone else has a better eloquence for saying. Maybe I'm just a disgustingly boring romantic & I'll never find someone mad enough to match my madness.

Maybe I'll be better when I'm older.

For now, to bed. Then to work at 6am.

06:16 PM

"Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz

My desperate, constant need for intensity is making me crazy. Maybe it's what makes me crazy in the first place. I'd rather be scalded or frostbitten than so effing lukewarm I can't tell if I'm touching the weather or not in this perfect 75 degree hell. I'm still a hopeful romantic. I want to be taken on an adventure, I don't want to BE the adventure. I want a boy who kisses crazy delicious.

I’m losing interest in living in L.A. post-grad. I still am very much in love with L.A. but it has a culture that is so saturated in itself that apathy is the only way people can sincerely feel. The cynics and the critics are eating themselves alive to be a meaningless spectacle. Not to mention it is needlessly expensive. This is scaring me a bit because I love and need my urban, saturated cities. I need culture and matter; but I also need raw authentic passion. & despite all the places I’ve been this past year, I can honestly say that there is nothing like a southern California sunset. I don't know where to go. Nonetheless, I still have two years before rerooting; and I’m going to try & globetrot as much as I can. Anybody know of passionate urban cities with nice, attractive people, gorgeous sunsets and an Anthropologie?

It feels good to have plans like going to Portland soon with a co-worker who promises to "show me a good time" around her old college stomping grounds, and living in a little apartment in L.A. next summer to test out the waters (both of the city & of graduate art school) with one of my best friends in the whole world who normally lives 3000 miles away. I need something to wake up for every morning.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

09:23 AM

"Color Bars" by Elliott Smith

Tell me something about yourself, something beautiful, something ugly, something crazy, something fantastic, or something boring. Anything at all.

12:42 AM

"Maps" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Since I am five years behind everyone else, I've recently become addicted to this song. To save my roommates' sanities, I'm only listening to it on repeat in my headphones.

The Mandarin word for "armpit" makes me giggle.

I desperately need to think up my next art project; this intro to 2d design class is ridiculously hard and a combination of three classes I've already taken (none of them being about 2d design). There is in fact, NO 2d design involved. It's a lot like my Structure of Art class, mixed with all my lectures from my Modern Art History class, and the projects from my 3d design class (but more convoluted). I just wanted to learn color theory and paint things pretty, dammit.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

05:14 PM

"World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, this video is really worth seeing.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

11:25 PM

"What You Waiting For" by Gwen Stefani

This song really annoys me, but I'm sure I'm going to be addicted to it in a few months (sort of like my relationship to "Hey Ya" which I'm STILL addicted to). The video is very good though, full of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Japanese school girls, & elaborate costumes...a few of my favorite things! (Except for maybe the Japanese school girls...I can't think of them in the same way after seeing a certain pornographic clip courtesy of my guy friends...) It also reminds me a lot of the Cremaster Cycle videos by Matthew Barney (aka Mr. Bjork) that I saw at the Tate Modern over the summer. Triptastic.

01:04 AM

"Last Goodbye" by Jeff Buckley

Tell me why you are driving me mad; I think you at least owe me that.

Monday, October 11, 2004

10:34 PM

"My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow

I am absolutely smitten with Marc by Marc Jacobs -- someday soon one of your pieces will find a home in my closet. I think we could be very happy together.

I am also absolutely smitten with my Children's Lit class. I am thinking of doing my midterm paper on Winnie The Pooh & then I found out I can do my final paper on Harry Potter(s). I EFFIN LOVE THIS CLASS!!! I'm so glad I chose it over computer design.

ALSO, I realized that save for one French Lit final Monday morning of finals week, I have NO OTHER IN CLASS FINALS. The significance? I HAVE A FOUR WEEK WINTER BREAK. Hurray!! WHO WANTS A FUN/CRAZY HOUSEGUEST?!? I have developed a very expensive habit...

Sunday, October 10, 2004

10:50 PM

A First Grader's Perspective

Danielle: I knew what sex was in first grade.
Danielle: I mean, I didn't know about penetration,
Danielle: but I knew it was a boy and a girl naked and kissing
Danielle: and that it was AWFUL

Oh my my.

04:14 PM

"Fair" by Remy Zero

I hate the wireless router in our apartment, I don't know how to make it work. I don't know how to fix it or configure it or reconfigure it or bake it cookies so that it will give me internet service; it seriously drove me to the edge of tears this morning. So I had to come on campus to at least ensure something in my life is stable.

Someone PLEASE help me.

JIN, EMAIL ME at loveandtea@. DID YOU GET MY EMAIL?!? I miss you & all the Dairy Milk bar tons!!!!!

Friday, October 8, 2004

01:31 AM

"Just Like Heaven" by the Cure

Sometime soon, I will adopt a pug & name him Oscar Wilde.

(This is meant in no way to belittle the importance of my husky mix Lucy or my cocker spaniel pomeranian Pepper).

Thursday, October 7, 2004

08:20 PM

"Lie To Me" by Jonny Lang

There is a stillness in perfection that is eery to me. Peaceful, complacent, lovely, but nonetheless uneasy. I think it's because I'm not used to being this healthy. Ever since college started, I've stuck myself in the eye of a storm mostly in my own head. It was comfortable. Now it feels like the calm before a storm; I'm so pessimistic and suspicious about life. Maybe that's what getting to this age and phase of life is about, aside from the constant oscillation between panic and apathy. But as I assured a new friend earlier this week, I am deeply seated in apathy right now.

If everything works out by next Tuesday, I will be taking 17 units, working three jobs, & lacking in major sleep. However, despite my impending 50 hour weeks, I can still stop my world for you, my friend. There is something deeply satisfying about being exhausted from work, school, reading, and being a good friend. I love writing my friends who are finding their own adventures all over the world (P.S. I still haven't received your email, Jin, have you gotten mine??) & dreaming up my next great escape (I'm looking at you, New York). If I could only sneak in eating & working out.

I realized I haven't cut my hair in 9 months. But I've been getting a lot of positive response, which leads me to believe that my hair really is the source of all my power.

I honestly never believed people could be so cruel in such twisted, subversive ways. Especially the people we conciously choose to love.

02:33 AM

"Strange Condition" by Pete Yorn

"I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it."

-- Audrey Hepburn

Cross your fingers for me, friends.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

06:31 PM

"Rocketship" by Lindsey Troy

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Sunday, October 3, 2004

03:46 PM

"Such Great Heights" by the Postal Service

My mom actually said to me last night, "Everything looks perfect from far away." Except in mandarin, of course. She surprises me with really great advice every so often; mom magic never ceases to amaze. She also surprises me with how much she already knows without me ever saying anything. (Sometimes "surprises" is a euphemism for "scares").

In other news, I somehow got addicted to MySpace. (I'm looking at you, April). So add me if you want to; don't if you don't.

Should become busy busy busy worker bee today: painting a skirt, reading, Frenching, & party conspiring.

11:30 AM

Each prayer accepted, each wish resigned.

Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.

(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind)

Saturday, October 2, 2004

01:25 AM

The dreams in which I'm dying

I've noticed that my feet have become horribly scarred from blisters and sprains and tendonitis, but somehow I'm really proud of my little size 5 feet. They've carried me through so much in just the past six months, despite how much I abuse them. & that is why I buy really cute shoes to dress them up in; they deserve to look pretty. They are working hard for the money. (Even if I prefer going barefoot most of the time).

The Velvet Teen were very very good tonight, for the two songs I saw them play. I live for that bass vibrating through the floors and echoing in my chest through my feet.

When did it become October?

Friday, October 1, 2004

03:53 PM

"Float On" by Modest Mouse

Since things here are getting too text heavy, time for a photographic relief.

01:39 AM

"Breathe" by Michelle Branch

After a mad panic thinking that I had broken both my computers in one day, resulting in a mad dash to the Apple store for some ibook first aid (where my laptop turned on and acted as if nothing ever happened, of course), I am settling into the night with the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind DVD & the newest issue of Flaunt. Mmm I would give my left ovary to design & work for them...they are one of the few based in L.A.

I'm also set for the weekend; the Velvet Teen playing for free on campus tomorrow (!!), work, house parties, & new issues of Vogue, Self, Cosmopolitan, Lucky & In Style ready for my fondling. I adore glossy magazines and pretty things. I do think I will trade in a couple subscriptions for new subscriptions to Flaunt & Print. My latest fetishes: good design, typography, sketchbooks, British accents, & teeth.