Wednesday, January 28, 2004

04:08 PM

"Someone Like You" by Saba

Update on my last decision: since I will be very strapped for time for the next few weeks, I anticipate that the new version of the site won't be up and running until the beginning of April. So until then, I will continue to entertain my self indulgent tendancies and your voyeuristic perversities with my psychobabble -- as long as we're having a conversation. I want the site to be a dialogue from now on, and not my meandering monologue. That's for later.

So in tribute of all things trivial, I am spending my first paycheck on Ryan Adams tickets for his show on campus in March. I'm all bubbly inside from excitement.

P.S. New poem @ pathetic.org: daylight burning junkie

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

05:54 PM

In which, this is the end.

At the brink of renewing my domain, and hence renewing the lease on my past, I have made a few decisions. I've shared what I've been thinking before, but I think I've finally reached a point in which it is time.

Due to both lack of my personal interest and lack of response, I am going to end my blatant display of grossly self-indulgent divulgence of daily journaling that in turn elicits your perversely voyeuristic tendancies (trust me, I have them too). It's been three gorgeously bruised years that I've documented on this domain alone -- but like the years before that, they are all disposable. Through my journalling, I've met such beautiful people who had been very influential in my life, but my life is much too big to contain in pixels now. I need something more substantial, something more real.

With that said, I am going to keep the domain. I am going to expand the portfolio aspect, and minimalize the frivolous words aspect. I will introduce a new writing division to the site, a weekly column. Just to keep on practicing. For those of you who are far from me physically but close to my heart -- I crave real emails. Real heartfelt electronic letters, my inbox needs something more substantial than my daily horoscope.

I love what you all have done for me, just by being there. But I guess you couldn't be there enough for me -- there weren't enough words -- and so I'm not going to be so readily available here, for you.

I'm finally finally finally out of words.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

08:44 PM

"Spooky" by Atlanta Rhythm Section

I got a shiny new pink bicycle this weekend, so that I won't be so late to poetry class. Not that I want more poetry class; but being late to a class I hate is adding injury to insult. So now I choose to bruise my little bottom instead -- I haven't ridden a bike since I was 11, and now I understand the meaning of "it's as easy as learning to ride a bike again". It is really easy to relearn, but you forget how much you grew and therefore how much more seat you need for your ample bottom.

I also got a shiny new haircut.

Vous voulez des photographies?

Dites-moi. I don't want to scare unsuspecting small children. The internet is a dangerous place.

Friday, January 23, 2004

04:13 PM

"Boy Is Gone" by Jason Mraz

The more I hear about it, read about it, think about it, the more I realize that most people in relationships are lying to themselves.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

11:56 PM

"Amie" by Damien Rice

The French are often surprised to find out that other people think of them as obsessed with love. As far as the French are concerned, the real lovers are the Italians.

10:20 PM

"All That Lies" by Jason Mraz

I wrote two articles for The Guardian (our college paper) that were on the front page in color: Java Joe's Reopens & Refocuses and Jazz chanteuse Lizz Wright channels classics at Mandeville. This isn't such a shady job, this writing business. It's easy to make money from sitting in my room.

Next Friday, I have an interview with FeFe Dobson, if any of you have caught her video on MTV, she seems really interesting and I'm excited for the experience.

As always, my life is blurry and busy and momentarily halted by things that blindsight me at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon -- but life goes on, and the wheel turns. I know that I am crazy, and you love me that way. And I love you. I love my friends, they are quite frankly the most amusing, loving, compassionate, crazy people I know. I'm so grateful I get to live with so many of them this year -- and that they understand all the insane obsessive compulsive tendencies of being a girl. I love, being a girl.

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

03:44 PM

the quiet span of space between us

You win. Contrary to prior agreements, you always win. And I'm always wrong.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

09:03 PM

"Gorgeous" by The Start

I have been updating notebook recently, with a lot of French. So if you'd like to learn French along with me, feel free to check that out -- and correct me when I'm wrong.

I'm seeing La Boheme on February 7 with Cathy; I'm trying to drag her out of her depressed pre-Valentine's day hole. Whereas I think Valentine's day is highly overrated -- everyday is couples' day, why do they need a holiday to point it out more? Plus, if you set it all up in red cellophane and pink roses, there is too much expectation. I'm romance-intolerant. When is it singles' day?

Sunday, January 18, 2004

11:16 AM

"Crash" by Dave Matthews Band

I watched In America last night; it was very beautiful and substantial. I was in the perfect mood for it, and it was the perfect mood for me. Then we came back, and crocheted for four hours. Is that hot or what? I'll post pictures of the blanket I'm making soon. For now, vintage shopping on the beach, radio show @ 2 - 4PM, www.ksdtradio.org, AIM: ksdtradio, coffee with a friend, and then lots and lots of French & Poetry work. Have a great Sunday!

Saturday, January 17, 2004

07:35 PM

On scarves & productive procrastination...

I meet the randomest people when I go out. Today, while Lindsey and I went to buy some yarn and gum (because we are old ladies) at Walmart (because we are economical college students), the lady behind us in line asked Lindsey about the scarf she was wearing. Lindsey made the scarf last night while I was working on my blanket, post-party-hopping. We really are old lady/college coed hybrids. We party hop for the majority of the evening, come home around 2am and crochet until 3:30am while watching Sex and the City. I digress. The lady gave me her business card and wants me to teach her 11 year old daughter how to crochet. Man, it is time to make some bank off my procrastination hobbies. Lindsey also prodded me to talk to boutiques about selling scarves -- I made a scarf and hat set that sold for $17 at a charity drive, so I think I might. $17! That's awesome! Does anyone want to buy a scarf from me?

...no? I didn't think so. Have a lovely Saturday night!

01:14 PM

"This One's Gonna Bruise" by Beth Orton

How did I get to this point in my life? Everything is such an emotional high or low. It is difficult to understand myself when I'm swarthed with such passionate emotions. Emotions are death.

I have lost my voice, and I feel so small. I am stuck somewhere between last year and the next ten years. And I anticipate this growing gnawing parasite inside me is loneliness. With the flurry of people around me everywhere, with the flurry of people I pass by as I'm running from one class or meeting or interview or practice or soul sucking congregation to another -- I've never felt more alone. I think that makes our society truly sad. And me, truly sad.

Thursday, January 15, 2004

11:45 AM

"Pretty Girls Don't Cry" by Chris Isaak

I updated the Girl section with a new intro, a winter quarter class list, and the reading list. I will probably add the new photo adventure from this weekend with my friends from home visiting in a few hours, if I am so moved.

I am going to get some lunch, finish my EAP application for my UK summer at Cambridge, make copies, and then study French. I am getting the hang of French now; my instructor particularly charmed me today by showing Amelie. Je l'adore. (Le film, pas mon instructeur).

Who wants a mixed CD?

Edit: mixed CD will be a B&P because I just realized I have no blank CDs. But I promise to decorate it and make it a cover and it will be all sorts of wonderful.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

09:48 PM

"Spooky" by Atlanta Rhythm Section

I put up three new poems at pathetic.org, so take a gander at those and come back and tell me what you think. I will post them up as a manuscript at the end of the quarter, I'm writing these for my poetry class and I like using pathetic because it's a nice community of poets much better than myself, with valuable advice to dispense. Although yours is just as valuable. So utilize my comments feature.

I think Spooky is one of my favorite songs of all time.

05:17 PM

"Baby Got Sauce" by G. Love & Special Sauce

My art history professor compared Rococo style versus Classicism as emo rock versus the Barenaked Ladies. I went straight from the single most inane, witless art history teacher in the history of the universe to the single most brilliant art history professor of all time. I think I am in love.

01:01 AM

"Salt" by Lizz Wright

My best friend and I are really functional human beings; I date homosexual men and she dates delinquents.

Monday, January 12, 2004

11:33 PM

"Perfect Time of Day" by Howie Day

Christina Aguilera's Dirrty is a great song. That song is sex. I listen to it as my cooldown music at the gym. It has a great foreplay intro build up to a screaming loud orgasm chorus, followed by the oh-so-satisfying afterglow. And much like great sex, it makes you strut for days afterwards. It makes me strut, anyway. I missed that foreplay when my CD player batteries died.

It was a beautiful, busy busy busy weekend packed with every beach in San Diego, and documented with tons of polaroids and digital pictures that will be uploaded soon. It was Monica & Laura's third visit and we made my tiny single into a three-girl show. We also finally booked our spring break trip to Colorado - for $200 we have roundtrip tickets and two nights at a hotel. Okay. Best Western. We're such economical college students.

I bought two albums this weekend: Howie Day's Stop All THe World Now and Death Cab for Cutie's Transatlanticism; both are really great. I have also been listening to Lizz Wright nonstop and you should too -- she's an incredible jazz vocalist and she's 23. I recently reviewed her album for the paper, and I gushed just as much.

Two gorgeous men have called me a goddess in the past two months. La vie est tres tres bien.

Thursday, January 8, 2004

11:36 AM

"Imaginary Love" by Rufus Wainwright

When did life get so effing complicated? Who said being young was the best time of your life? What's that quote about knowing everything and being too old, and being young but knowing nothing? That it sucks? When did having oceans full of potential become such a burden? I am so so so incredibly lucky with the opportunities and resources available to me in this life, and I don't want to drop the ball and disappoint all the people who have invested so much in me. So far so good.

The problem with freedom of choice is that there are too many choices, and there is no choice-guardian-angel who makes sure you make the right choice.

I'm going insane. I think I might have to say goodbye to my overbuilt idealisms of film, and say hello to a minor in art studio or art history. At least I've got my words.

02:01 AM

"Rommy's Pants" by Anya Marina

All I'm saying is that if Carrie ends up with Big, I'm fucked. So is every other single gal on this planet. Carrie Bradshaw is the quintessential single gal in the big city. We all have our Bigs. We cannot live with the idea that we will end up with our Bigs. It would drive me insane. Carrie needs to be single at the end of the series, so that we all know that we can be okay in the end single as well.

It's not just TV anymore. It's the Bible.

Monday, January 5, 2004

11:23 PM

"Asleep on a Sunbeam" by Belle & Sebastian

School started again. French is kicking my ass really hard. I have bruises already.
Just a bunch of lists for you, cause I need order in my life right now.

New Years Resolutions
1. Lose 10 lbs.
2. Take vitamins daily
3. Save $1000
4. Sleep earlier/more
5. Keep GPA above 3.5
6. Take more pictures
7. Write more songs
8. Work out 4 - 5x a week
9. Finish 3 paintings
10. Learn kickboxing, pilates, and belly dancing
11. Paint one original piece
12. Write first draft of project
13. Be open to love
14. Study at Cafe Roma & libraries more

Albums to buy
Belle & Sebastian, Dear Catastrophe Waitress
Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism