"MATTE"
			SPRING 2003
			SPRING MANUSCRIPT
			by a. lauren





"Constellation #1"
(041903)


I want to be your c         n	       e   l     a               ,
			o      s t           l   t i       o n  
Your bright cluster of stars and
                          Your brightest muse.
I want to be the life you breath



And the life you need.


And the silence of the crashing
Correlates so deeply with my crashing
				Will you crash with me?
				Will you crash into me?


LOVE into the night of endless nothing
Breathing so deeply your breath and mine
Living so deeply your heart and mine
The sequins of your heart burn so brightly
That the kindness of your gestures
Amplified so lovingly in a brush of
your hand against mine.

So infinitely a moment of your hand against mine.
So infinitely the moment breathes life
	to the moment that breathed life
into me.








---


"And what of you?"
(041903)


And love, they said,
		was never the easy thing.
And heartbreak? they said
		never worth the fling.
And what of you? I asked
		Were you worth everything?


Simply answered, 
	the soft brush of your fingertips
	the look in your eyes
	the smile that slipped across your lips
	the gawky way you walked into my doorway

was worth everything invested	
			at that moment.
and how quietly the flutter in my heart
			fluttered quickly over both of us,
				left a broken silence.
				(that i appreciate)








---

"Three Notes on Miss Good"
(041903)


Pink yarn spinning through the air
Softly spoken through
	lovely and even more loving composure.

The art of warmth isn't easy
	but you make it seem so worth it.

And the nights of laughter
	the nights of tears
		the nights of sweat
			and the nights of silly fears
(GENUINE)

The promises, the hopes, the dreams, the disappointments:
	"the revolution"
	the original ORIGINAL grrl genius
	the female soulmate
(FAITH)

Cardio is keeping up with you
Cardio is the strength of your smile

So easily broken,
	so easily softened:
		so tough in resolve
		so tough in resolution
so so so so so so so (LOVELY)








---

"It was love in three hours"
(03252003)


It was love in three hours
Much more than that to devour
That flies will buzz eternally
In the name of your words
And I fled so full of life
Through the experience
I am fed solely through the tension
And the reality of your words
The satisfaction of a night
So fully spent in your light
That another day should come
Where your eyes may lead
To the belief of my words.
It was love in three hours.
And every breath lives in ours.
Through all that I've known
I've never known love in three hours.








---

"Pulse"
(04282003)



Falling through fallacies and failures
Of fumbling through your fingers and fancies of the faith

I won't give up on love

Bursts of instability and blunt blue tears
of bright pain and bubbling language,
Buried so harshly underneath a ground that has not
Prepared for this fresh forced death:

And it wasn't the easy thing to breathe in
And breathe out
To walk on and on and on
And not look back
Through genuine insecurity and instability
Through genuine tears and geniune faith:
Without wanting to walk back and back and back.

Through broken hearts
And broken faith,
the soft pulse of my grace
still sang: I won't give up on love.







---

"The girl who smiled sunshine"
(04282003)



The girl who smiled sunshine
Lived so fully a life so fleetingly embraced:
Kaleidoscopically through a myriad
of curls and love.

She never knows the meaning of love:
without living it everyday.
Her life is the breath of the love of two lives
and the love of good people.

The girl who smiled sunshine
always remembered to stop and smell the roses:
to pluck off the thorns so gently
and with such determination:
that the flowers were always better in her lap.

The talent of life
flows so freely underneath her jogging feet:
she absorbs so lovingly the beauty
of beauty.

Her words dance so carelessly off my mind
And her life spins so rewardingly around her tears:
She sang songs with her heart, and 
played flute with her faith.
She loved with all her spirit
and radiated with beautiful struggle.

The girl who smiled sunshine
never forgot to send sunshine down to me.







---

"Me"
(05052003)



The grace of a breeze slipping behind my ears
and sunshine nibbling on my forearms
Brought together such a lovely afternoon
		of togetherness alone.
Walking singular through a world of plural,
So carefully chosen on this afternoon
And small adventures seem so big;
So infinitely infinitive.

Only the slap of my shoes against the pavement
Such a lovely afternoon with you
Only the shadow of me grasping to my feet
Such a lovely afternoon with me
Only the concern of my heart was a concern to me
SUch a lovely afternoon with me and me.

Teacups click softly against its own china
Falling in line with a set of their minors
And aligning lines with walls
To ceilings and to fires: aligning what was mine
And what was theirs.
Lifting lively chatter to myself.
A secret smile only for me.

The sand slips between my socks and toes
And I walked with false pretense,
Adventures lapping at the heels of my heart.

And someday soon the days will belong to me.
Someday soon the words will belong to me.
Someday soon the music will be me.
Someday soon the love will be me.

And the security offered to my delicate grasp
Plays so softly through tracing circles of my past
The walls offer me secrets, just between them and me
Because the idle chatter among the new tenants
could never release the secrets of their adventures.

And all it took was an afternoon,
Such a lovely afternoon with me.







---

"Butterfly"
(05262003)


I want to live in a world where the open sky is brighter
I want to live in a world where my broken heart is wider
Let me know when you want me
Let me know when you need me
And I won't be there.

Maybe where there are broken hearts
The smallest shine of hope can come out and play
With so much faith within the cracks
You were mine in my small hands
Carrying lovely composure in my back
Your quiet violent eyes
Quickly turned so brittle 
With discomposure of the displeasure
You found the faults in me.

I've worked so hard to finish myself,
I still don't know how to handle my life
Someone should take control for awhile
And I'll just be along for the ride.

If I did
So I don't
Which is smart
Of my heart.

And if I won't
Then I will
Which is vile
of my smile

And I hope I haunt you in every smile
But only the tenderest of memories
Will brush upon your head
I swell with all the good things and the bad things
That brush upon your name
With hope that someday everything will grow faded
Like an old photograph that means nothing
But what it is worth to its possessed.

Sometimes we all need that someone to run after us
And sometimes we all need that someone to run after
Never stop believing in me
Like I have with you
And someday we will understand the truth behind our running.

I want to live in a world where the open sky is brighter
I want to live in a world where my open heart is wider
Let me know when you want me
Let me know when you need me
And I won't be there.
Because I feel so alive.




---

"Half Past One"
(05212003)


A little secret between the moon and me
Lies within the lines of a quiet city
To a life that breathes in stillness
I have found a new sort of fulfillment
Tingling down through my fingertips and carefully licking my lips

The secret between the moon and me
is the night life we share at midnight
At half past one
the life is done,
Is when life truly begins.

Blooming in the stillness of dew
Blossoms of orange flames in you
The dull glow of streetlights
Brighten out of sight
And the words flow freely
In a soul so freedly

And remember greedily
To ask myself, How do you do?
And each flame full of life
Flickers so burningly in your favor
The moon says goodbye
And I say goodnight.