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A girl living, loving and writing in Los Angeles.
Blog Archives
November Listening
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Womanizer
Britney Spears |
| 2. |
Love Lockdown
Kanye West
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| 3. |
With Arms Outstretched
Rilo Kiley
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| 4. |
Sleep All Day
Jason Mraz
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| 5. |
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
Rufus Wainwright
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November Reading
Favorite Places
Copyright 2001 - 2008 by Ann, unless otherwise noted.
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Monday, July 18, 2005
Morale and optimism are at a record low for the season.
I am rather like the first leaf of the summer to turn yellow. Today I was suddenly panic-stricken with the idea that we will not find a good apartment by September 1st. Then tumbled in the fact that I am going to graduate college (how breezily three years have slipped through my fingertips) and what exactly have I done that qualifies me to do anything in this world? I'll be sitting lame, with stretch marks reminding me of the rapid growth that happened in the last four years, and a Bachelor of Arts degree that's pretty much the new high school diploma. Here is a list of jobs I've had since the beginning of my life: Library Volunteer, Candy Striper, Congressional Intern, Disneyland Stores Hostess, Museum of Art Marketing Intern, Barista, Poetry Tutor, Film Production Intern. This has all led me nowhere. Come March or June (I haven't decided yet) I'll have dreams dancing in my head of graduate schools, and probably an impending GRE to take, a few letters of recommendation in hand. Will I have a job? Will I be in love? Will I be heartbroken? Will I be living in a cardboard box on the side of the road? Will I be happy? Who will still be in my life? Each response is in the form of a persistent, nihilistic maggot writhing in my stomach. I'm being eaten from the inside out. I feel completely lost, alone, and shaken.
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